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Wayne’s Delightfully tacky Yankee swap gift!

Wayne:

I grew up on a farm in New Jersey. I know, you’re thinking a farm in New Jersey? Across the street from our house was a large soybean/potato/wheat field (depending on the year) and to the North of that was a small Christmas tree farm which our neighbor had planted to subsidize his greenhouse business. We had bought trees from him sporadically through the years but they were getting pretty picked over and overgrown. But my sister Susan and I decided we would make the trek across the field and score the perfect tree. After all, we had discerning taste. A half hour later and not finding a tree we liked, Mr. Echdahl, the farm’s owner gave us a pitch that would have made any used car salesman proud. “If you cut the top off of one of those larger trees, it’ll look just as nice as a short tree” he exclaimed. Made sense, sold! We dragged our freshly cut prize home across the frozen field (to you Jersey naysayers, when was the last time you bought tree and dragged it home) and stood against the house for the family to review. To our consternation, it was voted the worst Christmas tree they had ever seen. My sister and I both tried to explain that it looked much better when it was on the top of the rest of tree. Well the poor thing never even made it into the house and was soon chopped up for greens to decorate with. I don’t remember what the tree looked like that we ended up with that year, but that was the only year I can remember that we had to buy two different trees. Happy Holidays and don’t get talked into buying the top of a tree!

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Maureen’s Christmas tree adventure!

Maureen:

So, we got this assignment of writing a Christmas tree fail, and I was thinking to myself that I didn’t have a significant failure that would be fun to write about. Then came this year’s search for a Christmas tree. I had put off getting a Christmas tree until this past weekend so I could do it with my kids. What a mistake. There were no trees available. Figuring my boys could use some bonding sent them off on the hunt for a tree. Massive failure, they scoured the Bristol Warren area and couldn’t locate a tree and came back to the house fighting as only brothers can do. Finally, located a Christmas tree farm about half an hour away that still had trees. I called around noon and they said they had a few cut ones left, but you could always go out into the field and pick your own. Checked the farm’s hours, they were open til 6. Perfect! My younger son and I left around 4 to get the tree. By the time we got there, it was quite dark and they didn’t have any cut trees left and the guys that cut down the trees for you were done for the day. Well, good thing Zach wanted to cut down the tree himself. We head off into the field, the snow was crisp and we could see the hint of the light from where the sun had gone down. It was beautiful. Did I mention it was dark, like pitch black now? We found a tree and Zach started cutting it down by lantern light, with this little hand saw. It took a while, a long while. Finally get the tree cut, load it onto the car and off we go. Well, we’re halfway home, and it’s halfway off the car. Stop, retie, and off we go again. We thankfully make it home without another stop. So that’s my Christmas tree story. We got lots of laughs about it and it will be a good one for the memories.

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Our first Christmas Tree in the new home!

Justin:

“Oh No the Tree!”

I was only a toddler when it happened, but this ‘Christmas Tree’ fail seems to come up every holiday for a good laugh. It was the late 80’s and my parents loaded my sister and I in the car to pick up a Christmas tree for the holidays.  After the perfect tree was purchased, my parents secured it to the roof and off we went towards home. Not far down the highway there was a sudden ‘BOOM’.  As they looked in the rear view mirror, my parent’s worst nightmare had come true.  The tree had fallen off the roof, snapped in half, and landed square in the middle of the highway.  My sister was crying, the tree was in two pieces, and my parents were in utter disbelief.  Did they really want to go back and buy another tree? After a quick discussion of what to do next, my dad (a.k.a the ultimate handy man) took a quick look at the broken tree and said what most others probably wouldn’t – “I can fix this”.  Needless to say, that Christmas our tree was held together by wood glue and wood clamps. To this day my father still claims it looked ‘pretty good’.

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Jodie’s dogs Teddy and Jak!

Jodie:

Just like many people, my family has had quite a few Christmas tree fails. We have had trees topple over, and a couple of dead tree mishaps. However, one tree fail story definitely takes the cake. Jak and Teddy are my two dogs that, for the most part are very well behaved boys who absolutely love the holiday season! They unwrap their gifts, sit under the tree without ever causing a ruckus and welcome the family parties, encouraging belly rubs from guests all night. One year though, when the dogs were young, we hung a few ornaments in the wrong place. We hung three or four salt dough ornaments at the bottom of the tree right in line with the pups’ eyesight. Jak and Teddy snuck over to the tree and had a Christmas feast, eating every last crumb of the ornaments and tiptoeing away thinking no one would notice. The next day, when they woke up feeling sick and no one knew why, we had to investigate. My mom ended up finding the string that the ornaments hung from and put two and two together. We have never given the dogs the opportunity to strike again because this fail definitely taught us (and Jak and Teddy) a lesson.

For those of you who don’t have dogs at home or are smart enough to hang these ornaments up high, making Salt Dough ornaments is a great holiday activity for the family! Here is the recipe for you to enjoy:

Ingredients:

    • 1 cup all-purpose flour (self-rising flour should not be used as it will cause the ornaments to bubble up while baking)
    • ½ cup salt
    • ½ cup water (or more as needed)
    • acrylic paints
    • glitter (optional)
    • twine (for hanging the ornaments)
    • non-toxic acrylic varnish for sealing the ornaments (optional)

Instructions:

  1. Preheat your oven to 225F. Add the flour and salt to a medium mixing bowl and stir.
  2. Add the water to the mixing bowl and stir until everything is well-combined.
  3. Place a sheet of parchment paper on your work surface and sprinkle it with flour. Knead the dough until it’s soft and pliable. If your dough is super sticky, add more flour.
  4. Using a lightly floured rolling pin, roll out the dough to 1/4 inch thickness. Only roll the dough in one direction, because rolling back and forth can  create air pockets that cause the ornaments to puff up while baking.
  5. Cut out ornaments using cookie cutters. Peel away the dough and lift the cutout. Place it on a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper.
  6. Using a straw, create a hole for the twine that will hang the ornament. Place the ornaments in the oven and bake for two to three  hours, or until completely dry. Flip once while baking, then remove the ornaments from the oven and allow to cool completely.
  7. When the ornaments have cooled, decorate them with paints and/or glitter if desired. If you want your ornaments to last for years and years, seal them with three to four thin coats of non-toxic acrylic varnishafter the decorative paint has fully dried. Make sure to coat the entire surface to prevent moisture from getting in.
  8. Hang your ornaments on the tree and enjoy! Happy Holidays!